


safe heaven

by oiksaeri



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Awkward Kageyama Tobio, Comfort/Angst, Death, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Illnesses, Kageyama Tobio is Bad at Feelings, Light Angst, M/M, Oikage Day, POV Kageyama Tobio, POV Oikawa Tooru, Possible Character Death, Protective Kageyama Tobio, Romantic Fluff, Sad, Sad Ending, Sad Oikawa Tooru, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 04:07:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28932240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oiksaeri/pseuds/oiksaeri
Summary: Kageyama is hell. But damn, Oikawa is willing to experience the flames, the burns, and the pain, because at the end of the day, he knows that Kageyama is worth it.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio & Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 5
Kudos: 19





	safe heaven

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS FOR THE BAE @filaclouds on ig !! shes so awesome istg and we talked abt oikage for like lots of times already so i came up w this!!! also this fic is inspired by blueberry eyes so im shocked bc wow what the hell is this

Oikawa isn't a nyctophile.

He never took a liking to the vast dark canvas sprinkled with dainty silver cosmic bodies along with the glowing moon; he loved the  _ day, _ with the dazzling sun enhancing the vibrancy of the deep  _ blues _ of the heavens as it cascaded its sanguineness on earth.  _ He found comfort in the ocean like hues. _

_ Oikawa let out a forced blithe sigh as he basked in the sun's mellow glow, allowing his calloused fingertips to trace the embedded letters on the stab-like stone  _ as memories from his youth invaded his mind.

Oikawa was eighteen back then.

The darkness had fully engulfed the radiance of the day; the absence of light was also the reason why negative emotions gobbled up the brown haired teen whose restless energy beneath his placid mask was revealed in his atrabilious eyes that served its purpose of being the window of his soul.

Oikawa sighed sharply, feeling the frustrations hissing through his figure as his brows were inseparable.  _ If only Iwa-chan didn't get mad at me for practicing late at night— _ the man had lost count of the times he drowned in his insecurities and doubts every time the melancholic moon casted its grays on him. _ Ah, _ he truly hated darkness.

The teen held the volleyball firmly in his hands where the fact of him being hardworking was evident, putting it up in the air, tossing to no one but himself.

_ He was alone in his battle against the darkness— _ though, not for long.

_ Multiple loud knocks. _

The ball hit his face, wincing as he suddenly heard it on his door. _ Who the hell would come to my house at ten in the evening? _

With a sharp sigh released, he, with all of his might, carried his heavy limbs towards the entrance of the small dimly lit home, twisting the knob that created a creaky sound echoing throughout the room; behind the door revealed a raven haired man with a mask of tranquility.

The owner of the residence squinted at the person who wore a familiar black garment. “ _ Tobio?”  _ Asks Oikawa who didn't anticipate his arrival, staring at him dumbfoundedly.

Kageyama stammered, plastering himself a barely-there smile, “Hi…”

If I was veracious enough, I would say that Oikawa, very wanted to shut the door on his face; Oikawa loved the man, _ he really do, _ but today isn't the right time to show up in front of his house, not when it's night,  _ not when he's draped with insecurities _ — after all, Kageyama  _ is _ the root of those unpleasant emotions and thoughts.

_ “...Sorry,” _ Kageyama began, fiddling with his fingers as he trapped his gaze still on the ground, “I think… I think I– I was just here because I practiced late and I was thinking–”  _ Shit. _ Kageyama thought, finding the right words to say was the hardest of them all.  _ I mean _ , how could he tell the man who seemed bothered by his presence that he missed him and that  _ he had something to say that may shatter his heart into bits and pieces. _

The sight of a crestfallen ravenette melted his heart as the clammy breeze outside  _ almost _ carried his worries away, but he decided to think about that for later as his hand that inched closer towards Kageyama, drowned in his black silky locks, ruffling his hair.  _ It's alright, come inside. _

“Tobio, you're drenched in sweat, y'know. Yikes.”

Kageyama gleamed; the corners of his lips lifted by a centimeter at the statement partnered by sweet actions of the other, “...I have no spare clothes.”

Oikawa's hand shifted from his hair to his pillowy cheeks where the scarlet roses bloomed, gently pinching it as if to widen the man's smile as he flashed him a toothy grin, “Well yeah,  _ duh _ , my closet have lots of clothes, pick anything and get changed.”

“...'Mkay.”

The brunet shut the door close as soon as Kageyama stepped inside to get changed, gripping the silver knob with all of his strength as if to release the pent-up frustrations within his figure, sighing exasperatedly. 

_ Is this hell? _ He questioned himself— he was getting insecure, and then, the reason why he was getting insecure showed up,  _ hooray. _

But Oikawa knew that if he left the raven haired man outside, regrets would also join the dejected party together with his insecurities to eat their feast: Oikawa. Thus, he let the man he loves inside the house shrouded by discontent.  _ It really is hell _ , he then answered his own question.

When he decided to turn around, what greeted him was a Kageyama wearing a large white t-shirt that had a mint green outlining the collar and the sides as it had the number  _ one _ on the exact center. 

_ Seijoh jersey. _ Oikawa instantly thought as his brown hues goggled at him, feeling his skin radiate a little bit of heat, “ _ Woah _ , Tobio, I have tons of clothes and you chose my extra jersey t-shirt!”

Kageyama bit his lip out of chagrin, clutching the ends of the shirt, “Yeah.”

Oikawa sharply exhaled with a smirk painted on his princely face, “Come  _ here _ .” he uttered, gesturing him to lay down on his cerulean mattress as he sat down on it, patiently waiting for the ravenette who swiftly took a leap forward, wanting Oikawa to take him in the warm swaddle of his chest and arms.

But before that even occurred,  _ he tripped. _

Kageyama almost made contact with the chiseled tiled floor; shock gave way to relief when his hand grabbed the sheets of the bed as his breathy pants greeted the widened chocolatey eyes that bore through him.  _ Oikawa was alerted and worried, _ Kageyama can clearly see that in his face,  _ and it tightened his heart. _

“What the hell are you doing?! When did you become so  _ clumsy?” _

Oikawa rasped to himself as he cupped Kageyama's face stained by gloom.  _ Yeah, _ the ravenette thought,  _ I wonder when did I become so clumsy. _

But, Kageyama knew  _ he was running out of time,  _ so he silenced his thoughts, forcibly lifting the corners of his lips as a display to hide the mysteries of his actions.

Oikawa was concerned; his dark orbs were a swirling pool of confusion as it followed Kageyama who crawled on the bed until he laid down, but perhaps, his brain became a bottle overflowed with thoughts again, and with that, he shrugged it off as he rapidly went to Kageyama's side before propping his chin up with his hand.

“So,” he begins, “you miss me, Tobio?”

_ I do, but that isn't the reason why I came here. _ Kageyama wanted to spill the clandestine buried deep in his heart, he wanted to say  _ everything _ . He wanted to say the reason—  _ but, I can't. _

And with that, Kageyama shyly nodded instead, making Oikawa giggle— but such happiness had a short span;  _ Kageyama is here, _ the reason why he was pushing himself to work hard is here,  _ the root of his insecurities _ is right here beside him, sharing the same bed with him.

_ “Sorry.” _

The sudden apology knitted Oikawa's brows, averting his gaze from him to the plain white ceiling,  _ “Stop  _ that _.” Why is he saying sorry? Was it because we lost to his team? Was it because– _

A kiss on the hand; the familiar soft lips pressed against the back of his palm, sent tingles across Oikawa's body that turned to face him— he saw a ravenette whose  _ deep blueberry  _ eyes held genuine emotions mixed with admiration. There were no signs of mischief in his expression, and it elated and pained Oikawa at the same time.

_ Perhaps, Kageyama was apologizing for something he didn't know— but he'll soon know. And in the future? Oikawa regretted not asking the reason why he said it. _

The love and rivalry mixed together were such emotions that overwhelmed Oikawa from time to time.

_ Kageyama is hell. _ But damn,  _ he's worth the burns. _

_ He's worth the pain. _

And that _pain_ intensifies every time he realizes that _Kageyama doesn't even think of him as someone that pains him,_ because for the other, Oikawa is his _safe_ _place_.

Guilt drowned him. Why couldn't he just love Kageyama without thinking of him as an archer who shoots his heart with an arrow, not knowing whether the ravenette performed that to make him love him, or to  _ hurt  _ him.

As their relationship progressed— the words  _ love _ and  _ loathe _ were slowly becoming blurry as it battled within him. Sometimes the latter wins, sometimes it's the former,  _ but sometimes it clashes; a _ fusion that happens every now and then.

A fusion  _ that's currently happening right now. _

His brain was rattled by unfettered thoughts,  _ too many thoughts, _ he needed to let it out— and he did; the thoughts dissolved into twinkling drops that streamed down his face. 

_ Ah. _ Oikawa covered his face,  _ I'm pathetic.  _ Then, his back faced Kageyama again.

Oikawa let out tiny noises as he wanted to stop the flow of his tears,  _ shit _ , _ I can't let anyone see me in this state;  _ he felt suffocated, restraining the river coming out from his glistening eyes, wiping every tear that poured. _ I'm weak. _

“You're… so strong…” Says Kageyama softly, before wrapping his arm around his waist as his nose drew in the sandalwood aroma lingering in his clothes and the back of his neck where he planted a chaste kiss on, peppering his neck with gentle kisses that managed to ease the pain of the one bathing in affection.

Kageyama inhaled the crook of his neck deeply as he sunk his skin deeper into his, entangling their legs as his breath tickled Oikawa who felt the surge of warm waves washing over him, smiling amidst the despondency.

The battle between love and loathe was over.  _ Love won,  _ and with that, he slowly faced Kageyama.

Oikawa isn't a nyctophile.

He never took a liking to the vast dark canvas sprinkled with dainty silver cosmic bodies along with the glowing moon; he loved the  _ day, _ with the dazzling sun enhancing the vibrancy of the deep  _ blues _ of the heavens as it cascaded its sanguineness on earth.  _ He found comfort in the ocean like hues. _

Kageyama's eyes resembled the deep blue  _ heaven _ ; it gleamed as the darkness wasn't able to mask it.  _ It glows. It comforts. _

_ It tooks his worries away. _

Oikawa pressed his lips against his forehead, staying there for a long time as he embraced him back. 

That night was one of the most memorable nights; Oikawa could faintly remember what happened afterwards, but he was sure they talked about the future that awaited them, and he didn't seem to see the  _ melancholy on Kageyama's face _ every time he talked about taking the path of a professional athlete in Argentina.  _ I'm going to beat you all, _ he exclaimed with a proud grin.

That night was one of the most memorable nights; it was when Oikawa knew— _ he knew that there were countless reasons to call him his hell, but he chose to stick with that single reason to call him his heaven. _

And after the remainder of the night was spent with heavy talks, Oikawa softly whispered,

_ “Sleep well, my heaven.” _

Then,  _ time flew—  _ seasons changed, oh how fast it happened; suddenly, the dainty pink flowers blossomed, vivid green leaves morphed into something brittle, amber, and weaker as all were crunched underneath the feet of boisterous people. 

Soon enough, the 3rd years of Aoba Johsai had the dark coat cloaking them as they held a diploma, waving it in the clammy air, giving the school their one last  _ goodbye. _

The distance between Oikawa and Kageyama bloomed as well. Their hearts remained connected even though they were physically out of one another's reach, they were both busy chasing their  _ dreams _ ; it was almost impossible for them to interact, only having a single statement in mind:  _ I'm going to win today. _

Or at least,  _ that was what it seemed like for Oikawa. _

Year after year, Oikawa battled the wave after wave  _ alone;  _ no messages from a certain ravenette, and when his phone buzzed, the notification he received always managed to weigh down the boulder cracking his heart into bits and pieces and ashes. Because _ , It wasn't him.  _

_ It was unbearable. _

Oikawa tried contacting him from Argentina, he  _ tried _ , he really did—  _ ‘Hey. It's been a long time. How are you?’ _ he squinted at the luminous screen, feeling the rattle in his heart that beated rapidly, feeling his breathing halt as he waited for the response,

And it came.

At that exact moment, Oikawa could feel his elated heart in chaos as if it wanted to jump out of his chest; he picked up the device with his pearly whites, but that smile painted on his face seemed like it was washed out by a bucket of truth when he saw Kageyama's _ two _ replies. He responded after ten minutes of leaving his message on read:  _ ‘I'm nice.’  _ He answered, then followed by the next one that seemed rushed,  _ ‘Im fine.’ _

Oikawa had his brows tightly knitted out of confusion,  _ when did his communication skills get this bad? _

Before he drifted off to a slumber with the heavy chains pulling him down, he answered.  _ ‘Tobio, ya know, we can call!’ _ It was an enthusiastic reply, yet the ravenette left him on read,  _ again. _ And this time, the answer never came. 

Sleeping was hard; he missed seeing the blueberry orbs of Kageyama, the pair of royal ocean like eyes that he prefered more than the bluest skies, he missed basking in his affection, and in his sweet actions accompanied by a little amount of words that tugged his heartstrings. 

_ He misses his heaven. But that— that conversation was the last moment they shared. _

Oikawa lost a rival, a lover, a friend, and  _ a safe place. _

And it enraged him.

The scorching blood boiled throughout his body,  _ he was angry,  _ what did he ever do wrong? Why would Kageyama suddenly vanish? Why does he never pick up calls? 

Now, even if the sun was above the horizon, draping the cities with its optimism, he goes out with his tear stained face amidst the vibrant atmosphere, and when the night sky blankets the city with its dim somber light, it just gets worse.

Oikawa sighed sharply as his red puffy eyes stared daggers at the phone.  _ I guess it's true when they say time numbs. _

Oikawa's adam's apple bobbed as he let the firm mattress engulf his fatigued body,  _ tired, _ so  _ tired,  _ wanting to reminisce memories of him being with Kageyama; his gentle kisses on his neck, his minty breath that ghosted around his skin as his slender finger trailed his body, treating Oikawa like an exquisite rare statue.  _ All of it.  _ All of those were done in one night.  _ In that one specific night– _

And then it hit him.

_Kageyama was acting strange that day._ He visited his home without any warning or a text stating his arrival like he usually does, he _barely_ talked, _damn, he even tripped_ , and his body… _it_ _felt frail_ against his skin, it was as if he was a glass facade that would shatter any moment.

_ It was as if he had an illness _ — Was it Oikawa's imagination or did Kageyama look thinner that night?  _ He looked so weak— “Tsk.” _ his jaw clicked.

_ Fuck.  _ The thoughts he was having right now were too much to handle. _ What's wrong with him _ ?  _ Did his friends know something I don't?  _

That question is a question he wanted to ask after gathering his messy thoughts; it was a question he didn't expect to get answered  _ today. _

As the faint blue light seeped through his silky curtains, another light brightened up the dark room; it was from his phone, and it rang a familiar tune— but, Oikawa couldn't give a damn. However, the hopes within him ignited at the sound of someone calling him, and so, he picked it up, only to see an unexpected caller.

_ Shoyou? _

The name on the gadget instantly made Oikawa perk up on his mattress, heartbeat accelerating once again as his curiosity bloomed, “Sho? What's up?”

_ The line on the other went silent _ .

Oikawa frowned, lips parting to say a word but he was cut off by a sudden light sob, easing his brows as annoyance morphed into worries, “...Sho?”

_ “Oikawa… he left.” _

Oikawa's features contorted into a confused expression, “What? Who…?” he sighed,  _ “Kageyama?  _ Yeah, he left me.”

Hinata from the other side of the planet uttered a  _ no,  _ “... _ He left us.”  _ and before the agitated Oikawa gave a reply, he sniffed,  _ “He left the world.” _

That was all it took to silence Oikawa, to silence his thoughts, and perhaps,  _ his heart as well,  _ only hearing the buzz of insects amidst the July air, the melodies of chirping birds accompanied by the noises of cars in a certain cacophonous town in Argentina.  _ What. _ “Shoyou…” He stood up, walking over the unfiltered glass that framed the blinking city lights,  _ “Stop joking.” _

“Yeah. I wish I was.” Hinata gulped, a little acrimony in his tone,  _ “That night. _ ”

Oikawa furrowed his brows, letting the man continue, “That night, I hope you remember. He visited you so damn late, not only because he _misses_ you, but also because he needed to tell you about this stupid _progressive_ disease of his that made him _weaker,_ _how could you not notice?!_ I'm sure he _tripped_ once or twice. This illness of him also messed with his brain, he… had troubles understanding our language, troubles speaking out what he wanted to say. He slowly forgot _everything,_ he forgot to _communicate…_ to do basic things— he forgot _us._ ”

Oikawa stared at the transparent glass hardly— and as if the world stopped still on its axis, he froze as the phrase  _ ‘how could you not notice?!’ _ invaded his thoughts, repeating like a chant that drowned him in an overwhelming heap of emotions of guilt, confusion, desolation,  _ and grief. _

“Then why…” A tear poured from his glistening hues,  _ “Why didn't he tell me then?!” _

“He wanted to tell you!  _ He really did! _ But when he came back, he said, he doesn't want you to think of him as something  _ painful, _ he said that you're already hurt enough. He said he was tired of being someone that  _ hurts _ you. So he's  _ sorry, he's sorry that he didn't make you happy— that instead of making you smile, he hurts you instead. _ ” 

Hinata took a deep breath,  _ “So until his body deteriorated, until his mind went blank, he thought of your pain, you and only you.” _

Oikawa _officially_ _lost_ a rival, a lover, a friend, and _his safe place._

The lines exchanged during that phone call made the manacles pulling him down heavier,  _ unbreakable _ as the excruciating pain suffocated him as he knew that he could never rewind time again; he will be forced by the enormous waves to see another tomorrow,  _ another tomorrow without any blue skies above him. _

But Oikawa continued to move forward with the chains draping his ankles,  _ he had to, for Kageyama _ as he would pursue the dreams his lover never achieved due to the illness he carried; he would do it,  _ he must _ . Though, every day, he would mutter a  _ sorry _ because days  _ with _ him  _ hurted, _ but days  _ without _ him _ hurted even more. _

And now,  _ Oikawa let out a forced blithe sigh as he basked in the sun's mellow glow, allowing his calloused fingertips to trace the embedded letters on the stab-like stone, _ slowly tracing the name that squeezed his heart, ‘ _ Kageyama Tobio.’ _ the gravestone said.

All the things he wanted to say remained trapped in his thickened throat; all the sobs and cries were stored in his figure, only letting a few tears stream down on his face as his hand made contact with the  _ cold _ stone that he wished was Kageyama's hand again, because now, he will never be able to feel the touch of his  _ warm _ fingertips.

He will never wake up with the bluest eyes greeting him, he will never feel the welcoming swaddle of his chest and arms again, and he will never be able to run his hands through the silky black strands belonging to  _ his Tobio _ . 

Oikawa smiled bitterly, not wanting Kageyama who was hopefully watching from above to see him in such a state any further. He wanted him to rest properly, and so, he lowered his head, letting his forehead touch the  _ freezing _ stab-like stone as he released a faint whisper he had said before,

_ “Sleep well, my heaven.” _

**Author's Note:**

> wow what the hell is this!? DID I HAVE A SPECIFIC DISEASE IN MIND? YES AND I WONT SAY IT AND DID I TRY POSTING THIS FOR A SECOND TIME? I DID BC THE FIRST ONE I ACCIDENTALLY PRESSED BACK SO UGH- anyw bae! (@filaclouds) I hope u enjoyed this and if i spelled your username wrong then boohoo to me.


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